This week on clearance: My Soul

He said, "she's like a modern day Aretha Franklin and shit." So I'm thinking, "alright, this might not be so bad."

fuck this tone deaf bitch and her Fiona Apple ripoffs.

sometimes getting a life means leaving your own and nobody wants to think about that. or do they?

There's glass being shoved through my feet and well up into my legs, all the while I'm falling through the floor beneath me completely and all I wanna do is lay down.

Accomplishments and adventures, or one in the same

holy fuck the discipline. sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode and my skin will pop right off my flesh, but it doesn't.

I took a picture, many pictures. but this one got an award, and a check, and an open bar....not to mention a reason to dress up. I found out you don't actually have to wear your shoes to receive it either.

I was caught being totally over standing and sitting and standing and condensing to single file on a big screen while chewing gum and rolling my eyes. but at least I got a degree.

the stars were wild'n out tonight, this morning rather, and the moonlanding made me proud along the way. high-five. the runaway spot was dangerous this time, and never worked, but the room next door was making a smell of a profit(phet?) I'm sure, and the sight of the sheets made my skin feel all crawly and unbalanced.

f.u.c.k.i.n.g.r.i.d.i.c.u.l.o.u.s

dreams that come true are 24hr dunkin donuts.

in no time we traveled back through time to the 70s. the king size bed and the awesome wee hour television programming we'd been seeking. not to mention, the phone in the loo.

I say "goddamn!!"

scotch, cigars, a good neck tie and accidentally yelling out the answers to trivia are all a girl needs for a good time.

I was crossing the street today, through traffic of course because I like to disobey major laws, and a conglomeration of smells emerged that sent me sailing back to another life and time. It was fall, and rain, and bus pollution....and somewhere in the distance, cafeteria food.

I was five years old, back in LaPorte, IN........great little town.

We used to walk to school, a whole gang of us, none being over the age of eight I'm sure. No one ever tried to kidnap us...no one seemed to worry about the fact that someone might kidnap us.

Or maybe I was just stoked to be out on my own doing something and oblivious to that notion?

I feel this same theme running parallel to my current life....twenty-plus years in the future. I get so wrapped up in my schedule, and my daily tasks, and my thoughts/daydreams (because mostly that's what they end up being) and my everything. I forget sometimes that I am totally vulnerable to the faults of others and myself.

But, whatevs.

Yesterday I got lost out west on the way to a shoot. But it was a trick because it appeared to be back east, you know.

The leaves were a brilliant mess of yellows and oranges and reds. And I Tussled along the sloping blacktop hills, winding this way and that and taking me further and further from where I was supposed to be.

I should've stopped and snapped it, seeing as how the camera rode shotgun.

But it I think it was for my eyes only. Like, maybe the trees only appeared as a one time deal for me to appreciate. or maybe because I needed something beautiful to look at and not freak out about life, and school, and death, and my dog, and work, and the other work, and making art, and, and......and............and everything. you know.

So I eventually found my way back out, only to find that the road wasn't really blocked off in the first place.

did I imagine then, the whole detour?

Dim the lights and crank the volume

Where did all the sexy songs go? Songs that just hearing them immediately turned you on, whether you had a particular person in mind or no. Songs that had you squirming in your seat, adjusting the volume on your headphones, because it couldn't get loud enough to get you off.

A few songs that have had that effect on me:

If only tonite we could sleep- the cure
waiting for the night to fall- depeche mode
how soon is now- the smiths
pretty much all of the deftones white pony......digital bath, knife party....by the time you hit passenger, you're done for. (this might be based on personal experience and not the album itself, who knows.)
Another space song -failure
biological-Air.........(there are obviously way more, and no, I'm not trying to stick to one genre here)

yes, Air, speaking of Air....they still make sexy songs.....fuck that, sexy albums. Even their compilation "Late Night Tales" is sexy start to finish.

So, uh, thanks Air. Thank you for looking out. We need it.

I said "Give up."

I screamed it, really.

I've never been that good at listening to or following directions.